My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
ChiefsChick4Life
Posts: 51
I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.
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Replies
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I just sent you a friend request and a message. Hugs0
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Sounds to me like you need to lose the weight to prove to him that you can always lose weight but he can never take back such hurtful words. I know you said you don't want to husband bash so you can look at it this way....when we are angry we tend to speak the truth before we can stop ourselves, so if you look at it that way, then you know he thinks you need to lose weight. But what do you think? While you can use other's views of you as a catalyst to lose weight, you should realize you won't ever achieve it unless you are doing it for you. I say just use his words as ammunition to become a hotter woman than he deserves.
Oh and starving yourself will do nothing but hurt your weight loss goals, it kills your metabolism! If it is an emotional response then try to steer your emotional response to choosing healthier foods instead of no food at all.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.0 -
Just break up.0
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How awful. I'm so sorry for the pain you feel. You're husband is not being a good partner- at all. If he would say such a hurtful thing about your weight, he would likely say hurtful things about other things important to you. Your partner is supposed to support you and bring you up. He is doing the opposite. I would tell him exactly how much his comments hurt your feelings and that you expect him to never say anything like that again. As far as weight loss, you need to do it primarily for yourself. Take baby steps. Make small attainable goals that you can reach to start to feel successfu. You are a beautiful woman and you can do whatever you put your mind to.0
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that is awful.....and I'd guess that makes your profile pic somewhat inaccurate unless you're documenting the last time you were happy \m/0
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My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.
If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.
Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.
Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is0 -
Wait, I just went and looked at your profile. You wrote that you're a single mom. I am confused....0
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I would show my husband the door if he ever spoke to me like that.
What you say/do while drunk/angry are usually things that you want to say/do but know otherwise when you are in a proper mindframe.
It sounds like you are losing weight for him (I may be wrong). That's not a good reason to lose weight.
Sit down with him and speak with him about it. See what he says. If he doesn't seem to be sorry I would be showing him the door. He needs to realize what he did.
And finally, eat something! Starving yourself will do more harm than good. You don't need to detox or cleanse... you need to eat. Don't let his words hurt your progress or cause you to hurt your health.0 -
I don't know you, but I do know that you deserve better. Plus, I hope you are making him sleep on the couch. Your partner is supposed to love you unconditionally.0
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Regardless of how mad me and my husband may get at each other, we have never EVER called each other names. Not just names, but hurtful jabs at each other. That's just wrong.
And I'm sorry but if HE'S not sorry for what he said, his *kitten* needs to go.0 -
Wait, I just went and looked at your profile. You wrote that you're a single mom. I am confused....
Right?! OP are you recently married?
Explain to your partner that calling you names is unacceptable. Do not tolerate this.0 -
My ex-husband used to call me ugly names too - I let it go on for WAY TOO LONG.
Fat, thin, healthy, sick... Your husband should be there for you, cheering for you, helping when you're weak, and supporting you - NO MATTER WHAT.
You have value. You have worth. You are beautiful inside & out! Don't let him manipulate you by hurting you in ways that he knows you're insecure.
The other posters are right - name calling is NOT OK. It's not normal, and it's not healthy. It is abusive and juvenile. I'm in my thirties and my new husband is 28. You know what? He would never call me that, or anything else. It's about respect, not age.
Best of luck to you!0 -
Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.0
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There's no reason he should be calling you names, but why the hell would you be starving yourself over something as stupid as that? If you're wanting to lose weight, do it in a healthy way, don't just stop eating. That's stupid.0
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this^Regardless of how mad me and my husband may get at each other, we have never EVER called each other names. Not just names, but hurtful jabs at each other. That's just wrong.
And I'm sorry but if HE'S not sorry for what he said, his *kitten* needs to go.
hubby and i have had our fair share of fights in the 7 years we've been married, but never once have we called each other names or taken hurtful jabs.
i also agree with other posts that you need to lose the weight for YOU - doing it for him will never be enough. if he cant respect you, you need to kick him to the curb and learn to respect yourself0 -
Did he really say "at zz", or did he say "*kitten*"?0
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When people start calling names, it's usually because they're frustrated about something and resort to that, when it isn't called for - and it's usually because of their own insecurities or because they just don't know how to handle themselves in what they consider to be a combative situation. Whatever the reason, there's still no excuse for it.
My dad was a big fan of Lincoln's saying that went something like this: Best to close the mouth and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
Don't let the fools have any control over what you do or how you handle yourself. Do this for you, not because he's acting like an 8 year old - unless that sort of thing motivates you to show him! ( that was never my style, but for some people it works.)
You can do this. And starving yourself isn't the answer. It can be worse than binging....or at least just as bad.
Get back on track...let him know that speaking to you like that is not acceptable, and if he can't be supportive, then he better keep his mouth shut!!0 -
Just break up.
Lol, i guess someone had to say it!0 -
Wait, I just went and looked at your profile. You wrote that you're a single mom. I am confused....
Yeah, I don't understand. Single moms generally don't have husbands...at least not the ones I know.
I spent ten years with a verbally and emotionally abusive man, but he never insulted my weight or my looks. I guess I was "lucky" that way, haha. Sounds like you may need to reevaluate things.0 -
I am a newlywed so we all say things out of anger. Channel that hurt energy into action! When me and my husband fight I let it go mainly because if I don't its a LONG life to be mad at your spouse. I gained weight with my husband too, I started losing it and now I am the healthiest I have evef been! I think the worst he said to me was ' YO , put those Doritos down man, you've had enough." I laughed and said oh just you wait! i'm gonna get my cute petite body back! and then I patted his belly. No words needed.0
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Kick him in the taint. Problem solved.0
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I'm sorry he never should have said that.0
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My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.
If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.
Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.
Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is
This. I believed every bully in HS and now am a lot heavier than when I was in HS. I used to think I was horribly fat than and would kill for my HS weight now. He is being a bully. Get to marriage counseling. This is not one of those "we can compromise" behaviors. Either he stops or you leave. Abuse can be emotional not just physical.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
Exactly this!0 -
That's awful. Work your way hard to show him that he's wrong. Don't let what he said get the better of you. And be sure after you fast to not binge since most of the time it happens after a fast. Be more attentive to your calorie needs and workout if you can.0
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Just break up.
yep ! there it is!0 -
Did he really say "at zz", or did he say "*kitten*"?
ha ha ha0
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